NEW YORK—According to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings Institution, the lone non-telepathic individual living in the world today is still completely unaware that every other human being has the ability to mentally receive and channel thoug... Apple has announced that customers have downloaded over 40 billion apps — nearly 20 billion in 2012 alone. The App Store has over 500 million active accounts and had a record-breaking December with over two billion downloads during the month. Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior vice president of Internet Software and Services, says, “It has been an incredible year for the iOS developer community.” Developers have created over 775,000 apps for iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch and have been paid over $7 billion by Apple. HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that an incoming call she is currently receiving from her 4-year-old son’s daycare center can... Getting That Perfect Souffle In A World Of Uncertainty And Pain Apple has announced that customers have now downloaded over 50 billion apps from the App Store. The 50 billionth app — Say the Same Thing by Space Inch, LLC — was downloaded by Brandon Ashmore from Mentor, Ohio, who received a $10,000 App Store Gift Card to commemorate the milestone. “The App Store completely transformed how people use their mobile devices and created a thriving app ecosystem that has paid out over nine billion dollars to developers,” said Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior vice president of Internet Software and Services. “We’re absolutely floored to cross this milestone in less than five years.” CLEVELAND—Claiming they want to impose their will against the competition, Cleveland Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski announced Friday that the team is gearing up to aggressively punt the ball down opponents’ throats this season. Alienated from the broader Internal Revenue Service culture and given little direction, specialists in a Cincinnati office struggled with the caseload of groups seeking tax exemptions.     With Sergio Garcia plummeting from first place to a seven-way tie for eighth at the Players Championship last weekend, Onion Sports examines some of the worst chokes in the history of athletic competition. WASHINGTON—While stressing that he has no plans to mount such an insurrection, Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman Martin Dempsey told reporters Friday that if he really wanted to, he could probably carry out a sweeping military junta that would oust Pre... Vito J. Lopez, the state assemblyman who was facing increased calls for his ouster, said he will leave his position on Monday instead of remaining for five weeks.     Despite Carmelo Anthony’s 39 points, the Pacers held off the Knicks to win their Eastern Conference semifinal series.     Service through New Haven will be suspended into the beginning of the week, the authorities said Saturday, as investigators seek the cause of a derailment.     Apple announced financial results for its 13-week fiscal 2013 first quarter ended December 29, 2012. The company posted record quarterly revenue of $54.5 billion and record quarterly net profit of $13.1 billion, or $13.81 per diluted share. These results compare to revenue of $46.3 billion and net profit of $13.1 billion, or $13.87 per diluted share, in the 14-week year-ago quarter. “We’re thrilled with record revenue of over $54 billion and sales of over 75 million iOS devices in a single quarter,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “We’re very confident in our product pipeline as we continue to focus on innovation and making the best products in the world.” Apple has announced the launch of the iBookstore in Japan. The iBookstore has a wide selection of emerging and established authors, including Shyotaro Ikenami, Jiro Akagawa, Atsuko Asano, and Ryu Murakami. “We’re excited to launch the iBookstore in Japan with a wide selection of Japanese publishers and authors,” said Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior vice president of Internet Software and Services. “We think customers are going to love how engaging and interactive the books are to read, and how beautiful they look on iPad.” Steven Aquino, who works with children with special needs and is himself visually impaired, describes in The Magazine how accessibility technologies like VoiceOver and Guided Access built into iOS “let those with disabilities use their devices with as much wonder and enjoyment as the fully abled.” Calling iOS “nothing short of a godsend,” Aquino notes that with iPad, a cognitively delayed student is able to “tap and swipe like a pro” and even master multitasking gestures without any demoing or prompting. He concludes: “Every time I pick up my iPhone or iPad, I feel extremely fortunate that I’m living in this time.” Across the United States, teachers are using iPad and other tablets to reinvent the presentation and management of educational material. According to a report in Wired magazine, “tablets’ simplicity, ease of use and the massive range of academically minded applications available are drawing teachers and educational technologists to the platform in droves.” iPad is leading this charge, as “the most popular tablet among educators,” and “Apple’s iTunes U is one tool making iPad-based course integration easier by helping teachers create and curate a wholly digital curriculum.” The Syrian military on Sunday launched an offensive to retake a strategic rebel-held town near the Lebanese border, a government official said.     HARTFORD, CT—Unable to secure the services of any of the young women who normally watch her 4-year-old son when she goes out for the evening, desperate local mother Rebecca Lowenstein confirmed Wednesday night that she had resorted to hiring a male ... Bloomberg West profiles Ed Summers, who, as head of accessibility at international software company SAS, “has made it his mission to help other visually impaired people unlock the power of the iPad.” Summers is traveling around the United States to teach educators how to maximize the device’s built-in accessibility features in their classrooms. Bloomberg notes that tablets are growing in popularity among educators, and Summers says iPad is “opening up a whole world” for visually impaired students. “We’re working to make sure that students and professionals of all abilities can succeed in the classroom and the 21st-century knowledge economy,” Summers says. ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes... A 21-year-old student who was killed in a home invasion on Friday was mistakenly shot in the head by an officer firing at an armed suspect holding her hostage, the police said.